During my speaking events on “How Self-Love can help in overcoming Negative Mindset?”I ask people, what is their understanding about Self-Love?

I come across many interesting discussions, few express their thoughts openly, while many more feel hesitant in talking about self-love. There were lots of questions and confusions.

Isn’t self-love selfish?

How can I think about myself, while I have people to take care?

Is it possible to love yourself?

How does it feel like to be in love with yourself?

All the confusions around this concept are quite understandable. For decades and decades, we have been asked to put others at a priority before we even think about ourselves. There is nothing wrong in considering others first but at whose cost and who is the one that keeps suffering? Culture, society, parents have been feeding us and making us believe that we are being selfish in thinking about our happiness first.

For many self-love is either being selfish or arrogant

Selfishness is an act of thinking and caring for one’s own benefits. Selfish behaviour is focused towards me and myself without considering the impact of the actions on others. An example of a selfishness is as in the words of a Project Manager, “I own the credit of the success of the project. I will ask for my promotion. It doesn’t matter to me if others are given any raise or not but I deserve it.” In this case the motive is satisfaction of one’s own desires with no or little consideration of the teams’ efforts.

On the other hand, self-love is far from being selfish. Self-love helps to accept who we are. It allows to acknowledge and own up our feelings instead of ignoring them. It gives the power to admit that even though I am not keen to do what I am being asked but I understand that it’s important. So, at present I will use my logical mind than my emotional side. But as I finish this task, I will introspect what is about this situation I didn’t like. Self-love makes us more gentle and generous than being harsh and selfish. It brings people together instead of pushing them away. When in love with oneself, the perspective changes and everything becomes more beautiful. It calls for belongingness and allows to be with the people which doing things collectively. All this develops a deeper sense of inner-satisfaction which creates space to help others in finding love within them than letting them search outside.

What is your understanding about self-love? I would love to hear from you. We need to bring clarity around this concept and encourage many more people to accept who they are. This will help us to make this world a loving and compassionate place. I waiting for you to share your thoughts.